Why am i

Main aisa kyun hoon. Vinoo once rightly pointed out that i’m very much like first half Hrithik in ‘Lakshya’. No he didn’t compare my cuteness quotient with that of Hrithik. If you had known me, you would know what he would’ve meant. If you don’t know me and if you are an ardent fan of Tamil classics here is another clue. My mom once said that I’m like the youngest Sivaji Ganesan in ‘Theiva Magan’. If you still couldn’t figure it out, the point is I’m a clueless guy hanging around without any real aim in life. Without a ‘Lakshya’ in this earth. Main aisa kyun hoon.

This is the reason why i like movies where the protagonist doesn’t have any real aim in life. Movies like Wake up Sid, Good Will Hunting really moved me. According to me Good Will Hunting is a prime example of how a man should take up his life.

I shouldn’t have started with this topic today for I’m unnaturally happy though i know it’ll be short lived. Don’t know whether its because of the mystery girl that I’ve breakfast with. For a change she wasn’t her usual self today. She was dull and i was cheerful. Whenever i meet her in the morning i used to get assigned loads of work but somehow at the end of the day I’ll be happy. Some girl she is. And there is this guy, Selva who for a change went to bus before me and reserved me a seat. Sometimes days turn fruitful like this for no real reason.

But sometimes i sit and look up at the messenger and think of every girl in my list. What’s she doing? Why isn’t she messaging me? Is she talking to some other fellow? Every girl here doesn’t mean every girl. You people know what i mean. Why am i like this?

There is a girl in my office who i call as my best friend. She played a prank on me. “It was just a prank” that’s how those girls describe it but i couldn’t take it that way. I felt annoyed for no real reason. If it had been done by a guy i wouldn’t even have thought about it the next second. Why is it always a girl who could make a guy so happy as well as so irritating? Is it only me or the whole sterner sex who think like this? I know the answer. You know it too. Why am i like this?

I started this topic without knowing what i’m going write and this is the beauty of this blog. There is absolutely no paper work so everything will be spontaneous and right out from the heart.

Sometime back i read ‘Foutainhead’. There was an excellent quote about Howard Roark, the lead character in that book. “The one who is interested in everything but committed to nothing” Why am i like this?

Who am i

After all the nudges and trudges here is my blog. It took a hell lotta time to create one. Didn’t know that blog making would be this difficult, after seeing all these blogs, numerous ideologies etc. First things first. Why a blog for me? For someone who just doesn’t have an idea of what to do next. Well, that’s the point that’s why i want to get started.

I don’t really have any idea what I’m going to do next. Again and again I’m annoyed with this question. “Tell me about yourself?”. First who am i and what should i tell about myself. Thank god i wasn’t asked this question in Infosys interview. In spite of sitting and thinking for a whole long week at that time i couldn’t get an answer for that question. Now don’t give me a are-you-kiddin-dude look. Yes i went into the interview without knowing what to say if they ask about me. Luck favored and i got this job without being asked this question. After then i didn’t think of that question again. Vaguely one year after my interview and now in job this question is haunting me again.

I’ve completed one fourth of my lifetime, assuming an average human being lives for 80 years but have done nothing. First 20 years in human life is all about discovering oneself. But i couldn’t do a bit of it. After all I’m just another kid born to live life the way it has been lived over the past years.

Talking about my parents, they’re from poor family and regular rags to riches prototypes. I know four out of five people have this story. Dad with only one meal per day, mom with two meals per day having no money even to pay school fees but against all odds excelling in life. Excelling here means getting a government job, making their children study by giving a donation in a well reputed school, paying a hefty donation and getting an ECE seat in top engineering college and then saving money for their marriage. All this middle class norms have a basic formula. Eat medicine before you get affected. But are they eating the right medicine. God knows. God here doesn’t mean… Ok lets talk about philosophy later.

Like millions of you fellow mates I’m also from such family. Parents well educated, in my case very very well educated (Both got school first in their SSLC. Applause please). They did some course in college, got all the opportunity in the world to pursue further but they couldn’t afford, yes couldn’t AFFORD. Isn’t it terrible? Because they are the ones who paid 5 laks donation to a kid who doesn’t really know what ECE is. Your guess is right the kid is me. They also paid a donation of RS 10,000 for my school admission. My sister is doing really well in school. Let’s talk about her later after all this blog is about me and i don’t really know what i did in school, college etc because i’m yet to discover myself. Here i’m sitting and typing, venting my frustration.

People who get frustrated for no reason like me either go to a pub, temple, talk to friends, cry in bathroom or just accept that its part of life. For me that’s when i like to write or blog. I feel like a loser for no reason. I’ve not been that bad in anything i did. I’m an average human being who does everything an average human being does. I did all those and was pretty satisfied. But now the uncertainty looms over. What am i going to do in life? I’m completely clueless about the answer. All i know is that i gotta become famous. How? By what? No one knows, even i don’t know. This blog is to discover or invent (i used both these words here to show that i know the difference between two) that. And yea i’m a show off, if i know something i couldn’t stop gushing about it. The people who meet me, within a couple of days will get to know that i’m interested in cricket, movies, books, chicks etc( not in any chronological order).