When i took an EL

Posted: August 3, 2017 in Just Like That

There is some pain which has been troubling me on my right chest, right from throat to stomach. Google said it’s not heart attack. I wanted to confirm as I have been telling everyone that I’d die at 29 and I’d die of heart attack. Two different statements which I wanted to make sure isn’t combining. I had this pain throughout the night the previous day. When I woke up, it took me a guilty few minutes to decide that I’d take leave and I took leave.

The first thought in the morning was what if this condition could be something serious and I have only one more year to live. I’ll turn 29 next year. I have so many plans. Have to trek EBC, complete one more grade in guitar, run 15 km/hr in 15 minutes, and run 5 KM in 20 minutes. All these are my part of agenda for next one year. What if this is a serious ailment and I could not do any of these or even one of these. The idea of quitting job looks to be the only good thing that could happen if I fall sick but rest, it’s scary. I am a person who romanticizes death, much like Woody Allen does. Even though he says that he doesn’t like getting old and that he’s scared of death, you find a sense of elation. It was the same with me too. But to really think what would happen if you’ve been given a timeline to your death, then it’s really scary.

I can’t remember the last time I took an EL just like that. Only seven years prior when I had to exhaust 5.5 days of leave by financial year end, I took leaves without reason, that’s the best thing to do. To get up and decide that you are not going to go to office, feels greater than any achievement. After a guilty few minutes even today I felt the same.

Started off with a tea and took morning walk with Dad, I couldn’t walk as fast as him, asked him to slow down, we went across the street and saw a person selling Cow’s milk which I wanted to buy for a long time. We continued walking straight through the road, I thought of asking him to take the path towards beach but without my telling he somehow went that way, thanks to the greens that we had to buy. While walking in the road to Thiruvanmiyur Beach you can’t see the sand first, only waves and today there was a boat on it and waves were quite high. Sun wasn’t harsh, weather was pleasant. The first glimpse of morning sunlight on water couldn’t have been more pleasant. My heart beat rose. I could have just sat there and watched the waves for a long time but I didn’t insist on it because I had done far too many things within the first few moments of the day, that my parents usually don’t associate with me. I told that I’ll be taking leave, join my dad for morning walk, beach entry. They’d have seriously though that something was wrong if I had wanted to get into the beach as well.

There were so many things running on my mind. Could this pain be due to hypertension, will the doctor ask me to quit my job? Would I be talking to a Psychiatrist? Would it be an awesome guilt free session where I wouldn’t be constantly thinking about money being spent on him?

But all these activities culminated into a wonderful morning. This is how mornings had to be spent, outside, breathing fresh air, not sleepily walking to office bus. Without my knowledge I was walking fast, my dad was falling behind. I felt better.

Coming home I read newspaper (no pleasurable feeling than reading newspaper in the morning), updated blogs, shagged, drank tea, drank cow’ milk, checked if I have Tamasha in my hard disk (which I didn’t), I don’t know what I’ll do for the rest of the day. I’ll be less disciplined, go to doctor and hope it’s nothing serious, play guitar, write review, get guitar mark sheet, want to watch Dunkirk in IMAX and don’t know what. May be brood about how things would get normal tomorrow.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s