2015 – The Year in Words

Posted: January 3, 2016 in Just Like That
Tags: ,

I wanted to put this up on New Year’s Day but what’s the point writing just for the sake of releasing on the day that you want to, rather than feeling nostalgic about it. Sometimes the full stop excites you more than a fresh start. Year end is something like that to me. Even though a part of me feels bad for getting older. I like the feeling of ticking off the lists in a stipulated time. It must be more of year end celebration than a New Year celebration.

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Ever since rain and postponement of guitar exam my schedule was spoilt. I’m a man who lives by time table. It was very tough for me to cope up with six day week, to shift plans that I had for Saturdays and work pressure and personal problems etc.

But now when I’m writing this on a Saturday Jan the 2nd, a couple of days after watching Premam the second time and in a better frame of mind I feel content. In fact before I typed the word content I typed ‘happy’ but erased and made it to ‘content’. I guess I’ll never be happy again. Happiness has become more or less a myth to me. Like how I accepted the job that I don’t like, as my career and how I will accept the wife whom I’m going to marry as my better half even though I won’t like her, I’ll also get used to the fact that I can’t be happy anymore.

This could be one of my best articles. I could feel that. I just watched the part where Nivin Pauly cries for Malar. I used that scene as a catalyst to increase my emotion.

I’ll jolt down the top 11 things of the year. Might be good or bad, I could even have left something very important but at this point this is what I feel like writing and this is how it goes.

11. Guitar – The one thing I’m not at all able to master, let alone mastering, I’m not even able to play decently. Worst was the final intermediate exam was postponed. Otherwise I’d have at least been happy that I’m in advanced stage. But one good thing is I got distinction for the first time by scoring 91 in the 4th grade exam. What’s even better was I went to office that day as it was John’s last day so I didn’t even had to take leave. Even though things didn’t turn according to the plan the day went on well.

10. Wishing friends on their birthday – I made it a point that I’d be wishing my best friends at the stroke of midnight by being with them. It so happened that I could go with liquor for both Lokesh and Arun’s birthday. Vimal being onsite wasn’t in my list but Jeeva I could have met even though he likes aging more than birthday. Happy 27 dude. Sorry that I couldn’t make it on your birthday.

9. Lights On – Ever since the performance on stage by Tabula Rasa I was on a high. Start of year was epic for me. Lights On happened at that time. What I thought would take only me to function, crushed my ego and told me how important a team is. And what a team we are. Jeeva once said after observing in another group formed by some of the core members, “ennada elarum ipdi irukanga.” I was like, “epdi enga alunga. Tharu mara?”

8. Short film – I wanted to make a short film and had taken a resolution that I wouldn’t watch a movie till I make one. I did the same. For first four months of the year I hadn’t watched a single movie. I made a short film, not something to be so proud of but quite curiously got more than 50 likes for the video. May be people felt pity for me or they liked it I don’t know. I should thank Ramya for accepting the role because it is close to real life and one way of indirectly proposing to her. I love all my heroines and she’s the first one. Hope my honesty doesn’t offend you.

7. Tabula Rasa – When I thought that I’ve lost everything after Jeeva quitting company and going through a breakup phase this happened. We all bonded and like how? As much as I hate the name, I love the people in it. It has become our identity. And the way with which they respect me is phenomenal. Feels so good to be part of a gang where people think that you make sense. I’ve been the most honest and most brutal with this group. All the outings, be it OK Kanmani, Premam, Night outs, parties and especially Palakkad trip were special. There was a moment after Soma and I came out of water. Everyone were sitting around the pool and experiencing something. What I thought, to be something that people came out of my compulsion had become Nirvana to them. It was so happy to see them like that.

6. Ladakh – What to say about is. It was two years of hard work. Pitch perfect planning, which is something that I could be proud of. Even though I had decided that I would go to Ladakh on 2015 I don’t know whether I would have been able to complete it without my fellow riders. Just like that while waiting for my Ghee Karam I met Bhuvanesh and told about this plan and he introduced me to Parthi who in turn pulled in his gang for the trip. Bhuvanesh had to drop out due to his exams but icing on the cake was John joining it. You need to have at least one best friend when you do a tour of your life time. He was my dream catcher in Ladakh. And what amazing people I met. Antoine became such a nice friend and I’m quite impressed with Siva, whom I thought to be a nagging girlfriend riding as Fahad’s pillion but when I see the quotes shared by her and the thoughts put up in face book in addition to her photography skills I look in awe. What a talent. There was a moment when Parthi lost his break shoes and felt bad about it. For me it was the moment of Ladakh. I like people who feel guilty. It was so human!

5. Karthik concert with family – This has to go into the list. What I thought I’m going to do with my drama gang became a family outing thanks to the last minute cancellation of plan by Smitha. And boy how did they enjoy the show. I sat in the middle between by dad and mom. The way they were smiling and replying for the questions that he put up to the audience, I was flabbergasted. Ever since he gave a reprise of ‘Aha mella nada’ we never fail to miss it whenever it appears in TV. What a talent.

4. Book, Review shared by Rajat Kapoor– I never thought this would go so down in my list. I think people who are reading or people who are at least interested to know the list and know me would have thought that this would be at the top of the list. I could put it at no.1 but who am I cheating. The book is a failure. It’s time to accept that. As soon as it got released I thought people would throng to buy it. I’ll collect profit within Infy itself. There was an article by my publisher about how to sell first 100 copies. I was laughing at it thinking. 100 copies would be a piece of cake. Now I know what it is to sell the book. There were things that I didn’t like which I did for the book. I didn’t like the way I persisted few to buy books, I didn’t like the way I talked about the book as soon as I said ‘hi’ to someone. I didn’t like the way many were compelled to buy the book just because I shouldn’t feel bad. Sorry I would keep that in mind while I publish my next book. I don’t want to be a guy who sells books like Tupperware next time. But above all when there are numerous people who still think, “I should write a book” or “I should have written a book”. Here I’m with a book with absolutely no compromise from cover to cover. How many can claim that? Like how Alex and Vimal said, “book elam ezuthirukae, ithelam ena china vishiyama.” It indeed is big.

In terms of writing there was a review by Ankhon Dekhi which Rajat Kapoor, the director himself starred and retweeted in his account. That was a lovely feeling.

3. Women in my life – Now this is a curious topic. I thought I’d put up a whole new article about it on women’s day but as this year marked few memorable moments with my female friends I’ll jolt it down here. Before the year the only female friend whom I was close with was Sushrita. But this year I got Aruna, Smitha and Kavya to be my friends. The problem with me is that I fall in love with every women I befriend. It stayed true even here, at least one half in the list.

Sushrita – We lost touch post our Infy bench days but your marriage paved way for one more unplanned family trip of the year. It was even the more special as you made me travel on the day of my birthday.

Aruna – Even though you don’t let me sleep at least till Sholinganallur toll gate in the morning it was pleasure to ‘put scene’ in front of you talking about all my travel deeds and you would be so proud talking about me to someone else. As soon as I get philosophical you just nod, not understanding anything but still it was kind of sweet. I think I’m missing you the most in bus. Even though I could sleep more and read more I’m missing my confession moments in bus.

Smitha – I think I’ve behaved as the most irritating bastard to you. I also think that you’ve got some very good moments with me. May be you might have had better moments than the best moments that we had together but still it qualifies as the best to me. In spite of having innumerable friends and treating me as a close friend made me special. For most part of the year, it was you on whom I took it on. Thank you for being my rag picker and sorry for how I’m behaving today.

Kavya – J I know you don’t like PDWA (Public Display of Wordly Affection). Sorry for tagging you. If I had done it on 31st I’d have been able to kept my promise of not disturbing you much this year but sorry for the delay. It’d be the last time that I’m tagging you. I’ll post the rest in your inbox. I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable. Ping me once you finish reading the article.

I don’t think I have it in me to befriend anymore female friends for I don’t make friends, I become friends. I’m over and out with this aspect. Next is only going to my unhappy marriage.

2. Rains and Politics – It not only wreaked havoc in Chennai. It wreaked havoc in my life too. Expect for the amazing food that Ramesh’s mother gave and the travel back home the next day, the after effects were a pretty too serious. I started hating politicians after watching few stupid interviews. There was one guy saying, “mazai vantha uyir poga than seyum, athunala ena pana mudiyum.” I felt like castrating him. Motherfucker. I have never been much involved in welfare or politics but this time it made me angry. Stopped watching the news channels post that. Don’t know it was because of the rain or because of my personal depression. That period was hell for me.

1. Tennis – This is one thing I learnt new this year. I’m happy that I could do at least one new thing per year. But like you, even I didn’t expect this to be no. 1 but I can’t forget the moment. I’m naturally good when it comes to sports. Only football I missed to play. A couple of months back when we were playing a tough doubles match there was a powerful shot to the left of me. I ran in front and hit a backhand straight court shot with even more force and in motion. Whole court looked in awe. ‘What a shot’ claimed the coach. It was like the catch I took as a wicket keeper while defending 34 runs against big boys. I lost it there, I lost it here. I’m not very good in tennis but that one shot would summarize my year. If I make this year of mine into a film I’ll finish it with this like how Venkat Prabhu did with his Chennai – 28 where ball hits the screen. This is my fucking game. (Something totally unnecessary but felt like saying)

Even though the year was quite productive it wasn’t an entirely happy one. I guess 2014 was. I hope some year down the line beats 2014 as the best year. For this year I have to complete a couple of exams in guitar and start playing songs, improve salsa, write the next book without self-publishing, shoot a better short film, shoot a song, increase skills in camera and learn post processing, complete the missed Tadiandamol trek and plan for Chadar. Life is busy and I like it that way. I don’t think I’ll make this year-end thing as a daily habit. I missed updating top 10 films, books list for the year which I always wanted to do. May be next year. Until then, Cya!

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