The Guy Stuff – Chapter 6

Posted: August 2, 2012 in Movie Reviews
Tags: ,

“I was just joking. Look at you. How your face turned pink at the very mention of our sweet little boy,” she said.

I still couldn’t come to terms. I turned away from her.

“Oh baby it was just a joke don’t mind,” she said caressing my chins. She liked the stubble so I had kept it that way.

“But not on a day like this Archie”

“Why?”

“It’s my birthday today”

“Oh my…” she said and after thinking about it said, “Hey liar your birthday is on September”

“That’s official one. It’s my real birthday”

“Oh is it? I’m so so sorry. Won’t you forgive me please please please….”

“Oh then what happened,” Mega chipped in.

“Then she said she would make it up for that?”

“Make it up?” asked dumb Jeeva.

“Yea man we had sex marathon. All positions.Whole night. As she wanted to do everything to satisfy me I made her do everything. I mean just everything. She was an animal.”

“Rightly called b***h huh?” asked Alex. We all let out a laugh.

“Yea poor b***h. Didn’t know that it wasn’t my birthday that day. I left a note and went next day morning without even informing her.”

“Wow man that’s one hell of a revenge,” said Jeeva, “I wish I could…” said he and stopped in the middle.

“It ain’t over yet,” said I.

“Maen…”

“I went to her marriage and she was shell shocked seeing me. I have her a present and came back. I loved the look, the fear.”

“You’re the worstest moron,” said Mega.

“Whatever.”

“By the by what was the present,” asked Alex.

“Did you really think I’d have given anything?” I asked Alex. He didn’t answer and then we all laughed.

“And thanks to her, right from that day every time I take a girl out for a night I say it’s my birthday. Increases efficiency to a great extent you see.” They all laughed and I continued, “Girls do consider birthday special.”

“Ya even Jeeva went on first date on his birthday I guess,” said Alex.

“Now don’t start your soupy love story. I don’t want to hear your bull s#!t,” said I to Jeeva.

“It’s not fair. This is independent country I have right to talk too,” said Jeeva trying to be funny but he was least bit funny.

I ridiculed him, “Ya you have right to talk and that’s what you’ve been doing all the while and no action.”

“I’m not you man I can’t get girls so easily.”

“It’s just that you’re not trying. There are lots of girls who understand. Who are like us. You just have to get the right one.”

“Whatever man. No one can beat my Priya.”

Okay now that Jeeva started I couldn’t stop him. I took a joint and settled where Alex had sat. I was barely interested in his love soups.

“Let’s forget that b*****d.You tell. How did it start?”

“After days and days of waiting she finally accepted to come out with me. But said that the place was surprise.”

“Hmm,” said Mega.

“Don’t hmm. Just listen.”

“’k maen… go on”

“She was there in white salwar. Pearls around her neck. White bindi and jasmine flowers,” yuck “She came like an angel from the heaven,” okay loser which angel comes with jasmine flowers.

“Did you say something?” Jeeva asked me.

“No I didn’t. I’m all ears,” I mocked him. But how the hell did he catch my mind voice.

“I met her at 6’o clock in the morning,” who the hell will go for date at 6? Loser.“She said that I should meet her first thing in the morning. Then we went to temple.” oh god. “She looked divine.”

“Dude it’s your girlfriend not your grandma,” said I for which all gave a collective sigh as if I’ve plucked cherries from their plates.

Jeeva ignored my comment and continued, “We both didn’t look odd there. Everyone looked at us with compassion,” yes that’s what they could do. What else could they do?

“She made an archanai in my name and then even applied vibuthi(holy ash) in my forehead. It was so caring you know. The way she applied vibuthi and blowed air pleasantly.”

“Blowed air? She must be blowing…. Okay I quit,” and turning to Mega and Alex said, “ya you both nicely listen. What a great story he’s sharing”

“She had so much love for me man. I could see that in her eyes,” My @$$.

“Then we both lunched in SaravanaBhavan.”

“You went to SaravanaBhavan on your first date?” I scowled at him.

“Ya man she liked sambar idly.” He said now on a high. I could say that as he was grinning widely.

“Sambar idly at SaravanaBhavan on your first date. That’s just awesome,” I said.

Jeeva being a loser didn’t understand my sarcastic tone so continued, “ya man awesome isn’t it. Then you know where we went?”

“Is there any worse place than this?”

“We went to orphanage.”

I banged my fist to my head. I took another joint and took a huge puff. I didn’t comment anything but suddenly Jeeva started to cry. It’s the next stage. Male bitching starts here. I like this part.

“Can you believe it man? We went to orphanage on my first day. She distributed laddus. These kids were so happy to get laddus. Okay I’m not Vikram” now why me “to say that all these are bull S#!t but orphanage on my date. It was too much even for me.” Now what type of girl takes her boyfriend to orphanage? It’s at these times that I really doubt she loved him or not.

“The whole day I spent with her but we did nothing romantic. At 6’o clock I asked her to come to beach but she said she has to go home and it had already become late. I went to her home, dropped her, drank the coffee that her mom gave and came back to my home.”

“We both are in the same office why didn’t you tell me any of it then.”

“As if you’d listen,” said Alex sarcastically.

“Ya but still…” I opened my mouth and closed. Yes we hardly met in office but even if I had met I wouldn’t have listened to all his idiotic stories.

“All girls are like this man,” This is the height of male bitching. Once on a high we start generalizing having no guts to scold their own girlfriend. Nevertheless it was fun.

“Ya man.Girls are fit only to toast sandwiches,” said I adding fuel to the fire.

“And I like it without crumbs,” said Mega who was quiet all the while. I have wondered what Mega really felt because he didn’t share any stories. He was a happy guy always. At least on the surface but something said that he had something to say. I didn’t prod him though.

“Aye aye sir,” said I and we all took a well rolled out joint from Mega and took another huge puff.

“But seriously man why do you still throng around her,” I asked Jeeva who now looked somewhat settled.

“You know man she makes me wait for an hour sometime two in bus stop. I wait arduously. I get so irritated and I’ll be in full rage to scold her as soon as she comes but as soon as I see her. See her smiling at me and saying sorry, sorry… like million times. I forget everything. I feel like I’d even give my life to her.”

“Chicken S#!t,”

“You won’t understand man.Its love. Only I’ll know

“Stop your only-i-know crap even I know but your girl doesn’t deserve any of this. Just a plain old dumbo. She’d become grandma at 25 I bet.”

“Oh you don’t know man you don’t know,” again he started to grin.

“What do I don’t know. Explain I’ll listen. For once let’s settle this. I don’t want my friend to fall in some dirty ditch.”

“You know she treats everyone equally.”

“She’s treating you like s#!t.”

“She’s intelligent”

“She’s clever” I shot back.

“She’s innocent.”

“She is dumb.”

“She is practical.”

“She is boring.”

“She’s beautiful.”

“She’s a b***h.” There was silence around us. I didn’t expect Jeeva to hit me back because he knows it’s true. And someone has to tell him. Who better than me? So I continued…

“See you’re cheating yourself saying that she’s good and blah blah. Come out of it. She’s a b***h accept it and move on. Life is too short to waste on a single girl. Just learn buddy,” said I, everyone were silent listening to my speech. Yes I’ve the knack of making people listen.

The stuff continues…

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