The Guy Stuff – Chapter 2

Posted: July 23, 2012 in Cricket
Tags: ,

As per our pact I didn’t call any of them the whole week and didn’t think about the trip. I didn’t have time to think basically. That one week was as disastrous as it could getwith client calls, escalations and on top of it my Manager.

It was Wednesday night or Thursday morning 3’0 clock me and my PM were sitting in our cubicle digging deep into the code to find that one error.

“What Vikram?” said my Manager.Bloody don’t start with that question again.

“Yes Soori”

“Sometimes even our work can get monotonous isn’t it Vikram?” Even our work? What the hell does that mean?

“Yes Soori”

“Hey man. Talk with me freely. Let’s be Pauls” Paul? It’s pal you moron. You and me pals. You gotta be kiddin’.

“Yes Soori”

“It won’t reflect on your ratings don’t worry. Ha ha.”As if I care.

He went off after his monologue. I kept on struggling with the code. I started hallucinating. All the println statements seemed to be forming a death chain and were waiting to strangle me. Sori (meaning scratch in Tamil) was there with that println chain flipping it judiciously in his hands.

“Vikram… Vikram…” I was waked up by Sori.

“Yes Soori”

“You seem to be tired. Go home and take rest.” Oh wow even you’re human.

“Thanks Sori. I mean Soori.” I was blabbering.

“Ya take a couple of hours rest and come back by 6. We have a deployment.” What the f**k?

“Soori even by full speed in my bike it’ll take one hour to reach my home. How can I come back by six? It’s already 4’o clock”

“Hey don’t go by bike during night times. You might get into accident. Sleep here. Come we’ll go and sleep together in dorm.” Sleep together with you. I’d better kill you and go to jail.

“No thanks Soori. I’ll have a puff and then go to dorm”

“Oh do you get puff at this time? Even I’m hungry come lets go.” Oh my! How the hell could he be so dumb?

“I meant I’ll smoke and come to dorm Soori”

“Smoking is injurious to health Vikram. Take care.” Okay f**k off grandpa. If I work under you I’ll get killed before next summer.

It was early morning 4.30 I was all alone at the smoking zone. I loved the very smell of cigarettes. Jeeva is a bigger fan of its smell. He takes a puff and relishes it for five seconds. But being a loser he doesn’t smoke in office saying his image would get spoilt.

I lay down in the marble bench and made circles with the smoke. Would have loved to have a beer too but couldn’t. Without my knowledge I slept there. In an hour the sun’s rays pierced the bamboo leaves around the smoking zone and hit my face. I checked the watched. It was already six.

I threw the cigarette in lawn and ran to my cubicle. My manager greeted me, “You’re late Vikram.” Okay jacka**.

“Sorry Soori I overslept”

“It’s already 6.05 start the deployment”

“Okay Soori”

I started doing the same work again. One by one my teammates came. An always pregnant Radha, Soori’s pet came sharp at 8 and gave kolukatae (a sweet) to Soori and came to me to give it. I politely refused.

“Why Vikram don’t you like my cooking?” Should I even say that?

“Nothing like that Radha,” said I took the Kolukatae and threw it outside window as soon as she left.

Then came dude Dinesh. He wears Ray Ban glasses, Adidas shoes, blackberry shirt, and Louis Philippe pants but looks least bit like dude. He in spite of being couple of years elder to me asks me to call him dude because he doesn’t want to miss out on girls. Every Monday morning I had to tell him about my weekend adventures to him. I find wooing girls easier than talking to him about wooing girls.

“Vikram dude. Good morning”

“Dinesh its dood not dude. Don’t pronounce it that way.”

“Hey you know what?” I find this you-know-what thing so girlish. It’s so nice if it’s said by a girl. Girls say, “You know what?” and continue with the conversation. It’s so sexy. But when this b*****d says it’s so damn yucky.

“How’ll I know without you telling?”

“I’m doomed man. My parents have fixed for my marriage”

“Good for you. You’re already 30 you don’t have any practical chance of hitting a girl”

“Hey dude don’t tell my age in public”

“Always pregnant Radha and Sori, do they even qualify under public?”

“How could you crack a joke on every instinct man? I think this is how you get girls.” Great discovery. Come say what you want?

“Okay, tell me what’s the problem in getting married?”

“I need to enjoy my bachelor life man. I’m youth. I’m dude.” I couldn’t take it up more.

“You?Dude? First pronounce it correctly. Let me be frank. You have no chance of hitting a girl. Will anyone wear sports shoes with formal wear? Will anyone prick their nose and eat with the same hand. Better get married or else you’ll be single forever”

Arranged marriage is one good concept for guys like Dinesh. Whatever they do they can’t even get the worstest piece of s**t. Even the always pregnant Radha doesn’t look at him.

Dinesh being the shameless creature went to his desk without replying. I expected a big fight so that I could vent my anger but it didn’t happen.

So that’s about our team, the fantastic four. That’s the name people ridicule our team with. In spite of all this our team got best team award right from the year I joined. We completed hat trick of championship this year. Can you guess what’s the prize?A landmark voucher for 500 rupees for the whole team. An always pregnant Radha jumps with joy as soon as she sees the voucher as if she has become size zero. She takes the voucher everythime saying that she’ll buy stationary items for her childrens. Yes she calls them childrens.

Thanks to an always pregnant Radha I couldn’t even go out for lunch. She bought delicious curd rice made by her to all of us. Dinesh and I had a tough time digesting it. Radha went by 5 as usual citing the same reason. Dinesh and I were there till 11 debugging the code when Sori came.

“What Vikram?” Again!

“Yes Soori.”

“Over huh?”Would I be here if it’s over?

“No Soori. I’m still not able to find it.”

“Okay keep trying”

After an hour I took my pack of cigarette and started to walk.

“Where are you going?” asked Sori.

“Home Soori. It’s Dinesh’s turn today” said I.

“But what’ll you do going home you’re a bachelor.” Bloody a** I haven’t slept for two days.

“I need to take some rest Soori”

“I have my wife at home even I’m not going home”

“I can’t do anything for that.” I don’t know what I wrongly said he suddenly got so angry and went back to system and started typing the code so furiously. Yes that’s what he does when he gets angry, happy, sad etc. etc. All he knows is to code.

I went home and slept. Slept well. Only when I woke up I found that my phone had been switched off. I didn’t put it back to charge. It was noon. I had slept for good twelve hours. A sleep which has been evading me since two days. I thought of the weekend that we had planned to which brought a smile in my face. I didn’t risk going to office on Friday. I dozed off again.

The stuff continues…

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